Six hyper children = worst day ever.

I ventured out to the Creepermat yesterday mostly to wash the man's work clothes and my interview attire. I had a job interview scheduled for 3:30 at a discount clothing store; even though I'd already gotten an offer from a big retail giant, I hadn't gotten the final call to set up my orientation, so I had an interview set up at the other place as a backup plan.

Apparently yesterday was the day for grouchy women with two unruly children to want to do their laundry. Babysitters must take Fridays off. I got my laundry in the washers, only two loads this time, and sat down to start observing, only to realize that I'd forgotten my notebook. I searched around in my purse, which normally contains so many things that I could probably save a human life or disarm a bomb, and found not even the tiniest scrap of blank paper. I went out to my car and found a few hospital bills that I couldn't write on and a piece of junk mail about life insurance. I chose that, figuring the papers inside would be blank on the back. Wrong. I ended up using the back of the envelope to take my notes. Trying to decipher my tiny chicken scratch is almost humorous.

I sat in the end chair on the right, leaving room for one of the many moms or their heathens to sit down if need be. The tall woman directly in front of me using the expensive double load washers was lecturing her kids. "You guys need to start pickin' your clothes up off the floor so the dog don't sleep on 'em." Her kids couldn't have been much older than 3, 4 possibly 5 at the oldest. A blond woman with two kids arrived shortly after this lecture; she nearly slipped as she came in with her bundles. Her furry boots apparently had no tread. It would have been funny to see her fall, but I didn't get that lucky.

A large woman, also with two kids, sat on the other side of the 'mat on the window ledge. I don't know how she fit, but she did. Her kids, who looked to be about 8 and 12, were the ones actually doing the laundry while she sat back barking orders and bitching when they poured in too much detergent or dropped a clean sock on the dirty floor. The younger kid was wearing a pair of pants that completely ate his shoes, if he was even wearing any. I couldn't tell you either way.

Two older gentlemen had every one of the 14 smaller dryers on the right side of the 'mat running, each with only two or three items tumbling around. Nearly everything they had was white.

The blond lady's kids were running circles around the 'mat for most of the visit; she paid absolutely no attention to them. The younger kid kept running over to the gumball machine and staring inside intently, probably foaming at the mouth. I watched him walk over to her neat little $1 stacks of quarters and take one. There was enough yelling going on with the other two women screaming at their demon children; not wanting to hear yet another voice harmonizing with the rest of the chastising, I slid a stack of my own quarters into her collection. No one saw, and obviously the kid didn't even give it a second thought because he never bothered to return to the stacks to try to hide what he did.

The tall lady pulled a list out of her pocket; I wasn't hovering over her shoulder reading it, but my guess is it was a list of phone calls she needed to make, because she proceeded to pull out a stack of papers and making call after call. I could probably give you enough information about this woman for you to steal her identity; I guess it's a good thing I'm not that ignorant. I heard (and could have written down if I wanted to, considering how many phone calls she made) her full name, address, phone number, last 4 digits of her social security number, and about 4 account numbers. If I would have devoted complete attention to her, I could have figured out who she was calling each time, because she did not speak quietly. I was surprised that there are still people who are that careless with such sensitive information. The laundromat doesn't seem like the greatest place to make important phone calls, unless it's empty.

Annoyed with all of the disobedient children and careless parents, I was thankful when my dryer went off. I collected my clothes, gathered the rest of my things, and headed for the door. A cross-eyed girl was walking in as I was leaving. She looked at me and smiled...I think. I smiled back regardless and left to pick up my man.

Feb 8th, Day of the Hippiecrack

Yesterday was not my day to venture outside my unbearably warm domicile; before going to the Creepermat I managed to slip on a patch of ice and scrape up my right arm/elbow/hand pretty badly, back into a parked car in my dark, icy parking lot 15 minutes later, then twist my ankle carrying the laundry back to my apartment once I returned. Nevertheless, I braved the blustery winds and feet-high piles of snow to make sure my boyfriend had a clean uniform to wear to work today.

I decided to enlist an accomplice on this particular night, which ended up being my cousin Beth. As we pulled into the Creepermat in St. Clairsville, both of us were immediately drawn to the far right side of the building. Now, as with most Creepermats, the front of this one is entirely windows. I'm guessing this is so that the owner, who probably lives across the street, can watch the place to make sure no one....kicks the machines? What else can you really do to a laundromat? Anyway...

Both of our eyes are fixated on the long, hairy buttcrack, obviously male. We looked at each other, laughed, and gathered the laundry. We decided to take over the same side of the Creepermat as the Hippiecrack guy, since he was the most interesting person available. The only other inhabitants were a tall, rotund, rough-looking fellow in an orange trucker hat, plaid flannel shirt, torn up work jeans, and mud-caked boots; a short, round lady with a few unruly kids running circles around their side of the Creepermat, and a young, blond girl whose eyes darted anxiously around the room the entire time she was there.

We got the laundry in, sat down, and glanced over at Hippiecrack guy. He was scraggly, with longish blond hair, a ratty band/concert shirt, and jeans that were hanging way too low...




I wish I'd have been sitting another foot to the right, because I would have had the perfect view to this beautiful sight. How did he NOT feel that breeze? All of his clothes were tumbling around in dryers low to the ground, so every time one of his dryers emitted the high-pitched-yet-still-too-low beep signaling the OK for the safe removal of his garments, we were graced with this hilarious sight, although much more noticeable.

Sadly, this was the only eventful part of last night's Creepermat adventure.